you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
