areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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