Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
