You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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