We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
