ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
