The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
