member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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