Will you blow on my dice?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
