I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
