dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
