The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
