Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
