How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
