dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
