Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
