Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
