Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
