1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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