Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
