is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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