I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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