my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
