Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
