Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
