areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
found the other keg... it's in the tree
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
