Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How naked do you want me to be?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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