Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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