I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize
