i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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