Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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