Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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