I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
