I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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