i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
