I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
