WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
