I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
