Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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