my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
