Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and she was petting her beer can
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
