New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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