Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
