this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
