I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
