bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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