just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
wanna go halves on a baby?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
