He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
