You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
