I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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