no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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