I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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