I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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